Barrel Jump (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 24)

The character from Tunnel Escape is back (he must have finally got out without my help), and this time he’s got to jump as many barrels as he can. Except he is really, really crap at jumping. All that time lost in a tunnel must have completely mes…

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Note: the BBC Micro version is identical to the Acorn Electron version

The character from Tunnel Escape is back (he must have finally got out without my help), and this time he’s got to jump as many barrels as he can.

Except he is really, really crap at jumping.  All that time lost in a tunnel must have completely messed his legs up. Why won’t they let the poor man rest? Whhhhhy?

It’s OK though, the computer gently encourages him to have another go by shouting “LOSE LOSE LOSE LOSE” at him every time he falls into a barrel and damages his already broken body. Which he does with alarming frequency:

See the Commodore 64 version of Barrel Jump
See the ZX Spectrum version of Barrel Jump
See the Atari 8-bit version of Barrel Jump
See the ZX81 version of Barrel Jump

Tunnel Escape (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 23)

Now, if I was stuck in a tunnel I’d want to escape. And I’m sure you would too. So it’s good to get some practice in case it ever happens. Step forward Cassette 50’s Tunnel Escape. Now I need you to do a few things for me: Press play on the video …

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Note: the BBC Micro version is identical to the Acorn Electron version

Now, if I was stuck in a tunnel I’d want to escape. And I’m sure you would too. So it’s good to get some practice in case it ever happens.

Step forward Cassette 50’s Tunnel Escape.

Now I need you to do a few things for me:

  • Press play on the video below.
  • Pause it at about 4 seconds in. Read the instructions. Read them again. Scratch your head in bewilderment.
  • Press play again.
  • Wait until the 38 second mark, like I had to, while the computer “digs itself out” (selfish fucker, if it was making it’s escape surely the friendly thing to do would be to take me with it instead of leaving me in the dark to find my own way out).
  • See that my game of Tunnel Escape lasted all of 3 seconds, and that after I pressed the “up” key once I was told “YOU ARE LOST”.

Classic Cassette 50. Classic.

See the Commodore 64 version of Tunnel Escape
See the Atari 8-bit version of Tunnel Escape
See the ZX81 version of Tunnel Escape
This game is also very similar to Mole Hole on the Vic-20

Nim (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 22)

Nim? What the blazes is a Nim? Well, I’m glad you asked. Nim is an ancient mathematical strategy game where…yadda, yadda, yadda. I’m boring even myself. You can read more about about it here if you want. The important thing to know about Casstte…

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Note: the BBC Micro version is identical to the Acorn Electron version

Nim? What the blazes is a Nim?

Well, I’m glad you asked. Nim is an ancient mathematical strategy game where…yadda, yadda, yadda. I’m boring even myself. You can read more about about it here if you want.

The important thing to know about Casstte 50 Nim is that the COMPUTER CHEATS. I can think of no other explanation for losing each time. Then it shouts “I WIN” and dances around while I cry cold, lonley tears.

It makes me so sad that I’m not even going to type any more.

See the Atari 8-bit version of Nim
See the ZX81 Version of Nim
See the Commodore 64 version of Nim
See the ZX Spectrum version of Nim
See the Vic-20 version of Nim

Force Field (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 21)

Hey everybody! Come and look what I got for Christmas! It’s a forcefield. A forcefield that will save our city in case any weird aliens might decide to come and try and invade. What’s that you say? The forecefield is actually fucking useless and d…

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Hey everybody! Come and look what I got for Christmas! It’s a forcefield. A forcefield that will save our city in case any weird aliens might decide to come and try and invade.

What’s that you say? The forecefield is actually fucking useless and doesn’t keep anything out? Shit.

I’d better use my exclamation mark shaped missiles to shoot them with as a back up plan.

What else is that you say? That the exclamation mark shaped missiles are fucking useless too? Shit.

SHIT.

(yes I added music to the video because I forgot to record the sound of the game and couldn’t be bothered doing it again…)

See the Vic-20 version of Force Field
See the ZX81 version of Force Field 
See the Commodore 64 version of Force Field
Also, this is very similar to Galaxy Defence on ZX Spectrum Cassette 50

Motorway (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 20)

Cassette 50 takes us on the motorway. Except on this motorway there are only two lanes and two cars. You have to avoid the other car. Which on the face of it doesn’t sound too difficult does it? Well, just watch the video. I am the green car at th…

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Note: the BBC Micro version is identical to the Acorn Electron version

Cassette 50 takes us on the motorway. Except on this motorway there are only two lanes and two cars. You have to avoid the other car. Which on the face of it doesn’t sound too difficult does it?

Well, just watch the video. I am the green car at the top, merrily driving along in my lane. Maybe singing along to the radio. Quietly, mind you, so that no one hears me.  I see the other car in the other lane and think “Well, there’s no chance of a collision here, he’s clearly in the other lane coming towards me and can see me. I’ll just stay here in my lane. Nothing is going to happen today. No crashes or anything….WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DID YOU JUST SWERVE INTO MY CAR FOR NO REASON YOU FUCKER?”

“You crashed into the Computer” it says. No. He crashed into me. And he’ll be hearing from my insurance company.

See the Amstrad version of Motorway
See the Atari 8-bit version of Motorway
See the Commodore 64 version of Motorway
See the ZX Spectrum version of Motorway
See the Vic-20 version of Motorway
See the ZX81 Version of Motorway

Orbitter (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 19)

Cassette 50 takes us back into space so we can play chicken with a black hole. Er…or a red hole. Or a planet. Or a sun. Or something. I don’t know what it is, alright? So, stay in orbit and you get points. Crash into the big red circle and you d…

19_orbiter

Cassette 50 takes us back into space so we can play chicken with a black hole. Er…or a red hole. Or a planet. Or a sun. Or something. I don’t know what it is, alright?

So, stay in orbit and you get points. Crash into the big red circle and you die a horrible, painful, pointless and worthless death. You prick.

See the Vic-20 version of Orbitter
See the Commodore 64 version of Orbitter
See the Atari 8-bit version of Orbitter
See the ZX81 version of Orbitter

Thin Ice (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 18)

Guess how long it will take some ice to melt. That’s it. That’s what this game is. I can only assume that the rejected ideas for this were “Guess how long it takes the paint to dry” or “Guess how long it takes for the Daily Express to print a Prin…

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Note: the BBC Micro version is identical to the Acorn Electron version

Guess how long it will take some ice to melt.

That’s it. That’s what this game is. I can only assume that the rejected ideas for this were “Guess how long it takes the paint to dry” or “Guess how long it takes for the Daily Express to print a Princess Diana related headline”.

The instructions hint that there may be some element of skill rather then just guessing: “There is a rule, see if you can spot it”.

No. I won’t.

Here’s just how much fun this game is:

See the ZX81 version of Thin Ice

See the Vic-20 version of Thin Ice
See the Commodore 64 version of Thin Ice