Attacker (ZX81 Cassette 50 Game 8)

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What am I supposed to do here? Am I the attacker? Or the attacked? Which one of the moving shapes on the screen is me and what do they do?

Your guess is as good as mine. I’d love to know. Any ideas gratefully received. A video might help:

See the Commodore 64 version of Attacker
See the ZX Spectrum version of Attacker
See the Amstrad version of Attacker
See the Atari 8-bit version of Attacker
See the Acorn Electron Version of Attacker

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Radar Landing (ZX81 Cassette 50 Game 7)

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On a plane. Flying a plane. Putting my feet up while the auto pilot does all the work. Do de do de doooo.

Time to land. Shit. Fog. Lots of fog. And an annoying voice in my ear saying “You must attempt to land your passengers safely on the runway in zero visibility”.

Can’t the auto pilot do that?

No?

Balls.

Then the voice says “The controls do not respond immediately so keep pressing until they take effect”.

The voice is the co-pilot, who evidently doesn’t want to help land these people safely and just wants to irritate and annoy as we go crashing into the ground. Please tell me you were joking and that the auto pilot really can land the plane?

It really can’t.

And as it turns out, neither can I.

See the Atari 8-bit version of Radar Landing
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro version of Radar Landing
See the Commodore 64 version of Radar Landing
See the Vic-20 version of Radar Landing

Star Trek (ZX81 Cassette 50 Game 6)

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Do you want Kirk kissing an alien, or men with Cornish pasties on their heads or Whoopi Goldberg working behind a bar, or even some JJ Abrams lens flare? Or any other lazy cliche about Star Trek you or I care to regurgitate?

There might be some of that in this game*, but I don’t know because I lost the will to live halfway through reading the on-screen instructions. That’s not really a surprise given that I’ve never even watched an episode of Star Trek anyway and couldn’t really give a stuff about Klingons and Borg and that bloke in The Next Generation who’s supposed to be a robot but just looks like he has jaundice. (Cue the emails of complaint from men who have never touched another person in a sexy way telling me how amazing Deep Space 9 is).

(* there isn’t)

See the Amstrad version of Star Trek
See the Atari 8-bit version of Star Trek
Commodore 64 version of Star Trek
ZX Spectrum version of Star Trek
See the Vic-20 version of Star Trek

Poly-Play

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This is the Poly-Play Arcade Machine, one of the rarest arcade machines I’ve ever seen. And certainly the rarest one I have been able to touch – this was the only arcade machine produced in the GDR (former East Germany) and I’m told there are only three left in existence as the remainder were dismantled after the Berlin Wall came down.  I saw this in the Computerspielmuseum in Berlin.

You can actually choose to play a number of different games on it, hence the name. All of them would fit in perfectly on Cassette 50. I played Autorennen, a racing game that was ridiculously easy as my car was placed in a more advantageous position on the track than the other car.

I loved it, form the awfulness of the games to the dodgy joystick, to the communist stylings of the cabinet (this was actually made in 1985, not the late 70s as it it might first appear). Of course, I should have made a video of me playing it but I didn’t, so you’ll just have to imagine how it goes. Or look for it on YouTube.

Poly-Play Wikipedia Article