“Mate! Hey mate! Can you help me destroy that bag of rubbish over there? I’ll give you fifty quid”.
Fifty quid? What’s in it?
“Did I ask you what colour underpants you have on? No, I did not. Fifty quid, no questions”.
Are you sure it’s nothing dodgy? I don’t want to get in trouble.
“What did I just say mate. NO QUESTIONS. Do you want this fifty quid or not?”.
Yeah, yeah, all right. I’ll help you dispose of it.
“Destroy it, not dispose of it. It’s nothing dodgy, I told you. You make it sound like it’s something dodgy”.
Whatever, how do you want me to do this? Set fire to it?
“No, use this cannon over here”.
Cannon? Where on earth have you got a cannon from? Did you rob this from a museum? Steal it from the middle ages?
“More questions. Shut up and help me load it up with ballast”.
OK, let’s light the fuse and get this stuff destroyed!
“You missed mate”.
See the Commodore 64 version of Cannon Ball
See the Atari 8-bit version of Cannon Ball (Known As Cannon Ball Battle)
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro version of Cannon Ball
Here come the barrels! Are you going to jump over the barrels? Of course you are! Jump them! Jump over them! You’ll break your legs if you don’t jump, look at the speed they’re coming towards you. Jump! Jump you idiot! Why aren’t you jumping? JUMP!
Oh, you’ve been hit by the rolling barrels and now you’re dead.
Someone sweep this body away. Poor fool couldn’t work out how to jump. Can we have the next barrel jumper please?
See the Commodore 64 version of Barrel Jump
See the ZX Spectrum version of Barrel Jump
See the Atari 8-bit version of Barrel Jump
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro version of Barrel Jump
This game is a pretty accurate representation of how it is to be lost in the dark labyrinth of my mind. Right down to a voice shouting “GOTCHA!” just when you think you’re making progress.
Now, doesn’t that sound appealing?
See the Commodore 64 version of Tunnel Escape
See the Atari 8-bit version of Tunnel Escape
See the Acorn Electron version of Tunnel Escape
END OF SIDE ONE!
There were actually only 23 games on Side 1 of ZX81 Cassette 50. Let’s hope there are 27 on the other side and I don’t get stiffed like with the Acorn Electron version…