Let’s Play… Gunsmoke (Acorn Electron)

Have you ever wanted to be a Sherrif out in the wild west? Satisfy your fantasy with Gunsmoke on the Acorn Electron. That is if you can find the ‘fire’ button…

 

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Vindaloo…

Vindaloo loading

This little oddity was published by Tynesoft, the same people behind the lamentably awful Auf Weidersein Pet game. The owner of a restaurant has built his bog deep in the cellar and has to get past a load of obstacles just to have a poo. I think given the choice I would find somewhere else to eat my meals. I would also really like to know if anybody ever got off the first level, because I certainly can’t. Here’s a six second summary…


The difficulty level is possibly why Tynesoft chose to include a demo that showed all the screens in the game, as it would be the only way you’d ever get to see them…

Karate Warrior…

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When I was in primary school it seemed that all my male classmates were doing some sort of martial arts. Banging on about what colour belts they had or who they had fought with. I did not do a martial art. I could think of better things to do with my spare time that kicking people.

Still, playing Karate computer games was a different matter. I played a lot of IK+ on a friends Amstrad. I was very impressed. The graphics and animation were brilliant (even though the C64 version is better…). I wanted to be able to play a karate game with my friend on my Acorn Electron too so one afternoon I hurried around to my local library, paid my 20p to borrow Karate Warrior and got my mate around to my house. There was excited anticipation as we waited the five minutes for it to load. This would be great. We could play Karate games at both of our houses!

Sadly, it was not so impressive. I can still hear my mate’s derision now. The characters couldn’t even walk without doing a high kick, like they had a Tourette’s tic.

By way of comparison, this is what I saw at my mate’s house:

Bun Fun…

bunfun

Right, I’ve been out and bought the lube. Let’s have some bum fun!

What? It’s called BuN fun? Not Bum Fun? Shit.

Bun Fun is a job simulator for a very specific set or circumstances:

  • Where you work on a factory production line that produces buns with icing and walnuts on them;

  • Where it is your job to put the icing on the buns;

  • Where your mate, who does the nuts, has decided to pull a sickie and go fishing instead so you have to put the nuts on the buns too;

  • Where you get paid according to performance instead of a set hourly rate.

You’re right, it does sound less enjoyable than bum fun.  Now what am I going to do with all this lube?

Auf Wiedersehen Pet…

Everyone has surely wanted to be surly faced Jimmy Nail at some point haven’t they? Jimmy Nail at his crazy 80’s best, off in Dusseldorf with Timothy Spall and the other ones whose names I can’t remember because I didn’t really watch this programmable, what with being a bit too young and everything.

Alright, I never have wanted to be Jimmy Nail. But I bet you have. And now you can be in this effort from Tynesoft. Let’s see what crazy hi-jinks Mr Nail gets up to in Germany.

First up, the confusing and difficult to read instructions:

Got that? Very clear eh?

Right, off to lay some bricks then. Best not run into those disembodied heads or wayward trowels though (“bewear” of the trowels, as the instructions beautifully put it). I can only think that Jimmy Nail is being paid more deutschmarks than he is admitting to if he isn’t going to question quite why his job involves heads as large as he is and trowels being chucked at him while he works.

Anyway, Jimmy Nail is utterly shit at his bricklaying job, as this video demonstrates (and do note that although this goes on for 54 seconds, only six seconds of that is me playing the game):

Never mind, Mr Nail, go to this weird pub that you have to get in a lift to enter and get absolutely pissed instead. Just be careful not to bump into any barmaids. Or Tables. Or the wall. Oh:

Ah well Jimmy, not to worry that your night on the lash was cut short. Should just be a quick walk back to where you’re staying under German efficiently lighted streets shouldn’t it.

SHOULDN’T IT?

Now, you may have watched those videos and thought about what an insultingly bad game it is. And you’re right. But the absolute Pièce de résistance is the cassette cover. Enjoy:

Tynesoft-AufWiedersehenPet

Exchange & The Force (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Games 49 & 50)

And so we come to the last two games. It has been a marathon slog of mediocre, bewildering and downright awful games, and I have to admit I’m actually pretty sad to be reaching this point.

But there are still two more games listed on the Cassette inlay for us to enjoy. The names are promising. Here we go…

Er…there’s no easy way to say this. But the nasty sting in the tail of Cassette 50 is that there are not “50 fantastic games on one cassette” as they promised, but 48. These last two are missing from the Acorn Electron version. After all these months Cassette 50 has managed to have the final laugh, and I am begrudgingly giving it my respect for leading me on this merry dance.

Cassette 50, you evil genius.

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See the Commodore 64 version of The Force
See the Atari 8-bit version of The Force
See the ZX81 version of The Force

See the Commodore 64 version of Exchange
See the Vic-20 version of Exchange
See the ZX81 version of Exchange
See the Amstrad version of Exchange
See the Atari 8-bit version of Exchange