Well it’s been a slog I have to admit. And I am looking forward to getting away from monochrome ZX81 games and getting into something a bit more colourful. And by that I mean a Cassette 50 on another 8-bit format that is a bit more colourful. And has sound effects. There is no escaping Cassette 50 for me.
But first, the final hurdle. Exchange.
It’s Connect 4, basically. But, this being Cassette 50, it’s fucked and even when you line up 4 counters in a row like you’re supposed to the game doesn’t stop. It goes on and on and on and on. Because, you see, Cassette 50 can’t bear you to leave it. You can never leave, not even until after it has sucked out your very soul and left you a battered and broken person. Not even then.
I hate you Cassette 50.
(I love you Cassette 50).
See the Commodore 64 version of Exchange
See the Amstrad version of Exchange
See the Vic-20 version of Exchange
See the Atari 8-bit version of Exchange
See the Acorn Electron version of Exchange
“Hey! Let’s play Rock, Paper, Scissors”
Ummmm, OK, if yoiu really want to Cassette 50. Let’s go. I choose paper!
“I choose rock”.
Yay! I win! Another game Cassette 50?
*sulkily* “Yeah, I guess so”
Come on, don’t be like that. He we go again.
I choose paper
“I choose sword”
Sword? There’s no sword! It’s rock, paper or scissors!
“No, I choose sword. All must bow before me or I’ll chop your heads off”.
See the Commodore 64 version of The Force
See the Atari 8-bit version of The Force
See the Acorn Electron version of The Force
I really don’t know what I can tell you. Look at the screenshot above. Watch the video below. If you can tell me what is going on you’re a better person than I am.
See the Commodore 64 version of High Rise
See the Amstrad version of High Rise
See the Atari 8-bit version of High Rise
See the Acorn Electron version of High Rise
Look at my Jet Mobile. Look at it go. I can drive it through these gate like things, and even if I drive over them it doesn’t matter because my jet mobile is even harder than Pele after he’s taken his erectile dysfunction tablets.
At first there seems to be very little point to driving my Jet Mobile around other than to show off and try and go through those markers, though eventually Cassette 50 decides to put you out of your misery and show you some kind of score:
Oh how I love you Jet Mobile, my best car ever.
See the Commodore 64 version of Jet Mobile
See the Atari 8-bit version of Jet Mobile
See the Acorn Electron version of Jet Mobile
See the ZX Spectrum version of Jet Mobile
See the Vic-20 version of Jet Mobile
Couldn’t get this one to work. Probably a good job as it would inevitably have involved me falling out to the sky and breaking my body. You bastard Cassette 50.
See the Commodore 64 version of Parachute
See the Atari 8-bit version of Parachute
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro version of Parachute
This is just the old board game ‘Battleship’ but with a different name. I can’t even be bothered to review it any further than that. Cassette 50, you’re a right Tanker.
See the Commodore 64 version of Tanker(Known as Tanker Rescue)
See the Atari 8-bit version of Tanker
See the Acorn Electron version of Tanker
Rats, loads of them, gnawing your face right off. Leaving you looking like Skeletor from He-Man, but instead of having a camp laugh you’re just DEAD.
One way to end up without a gnawed off skeleton face is therefore to walk around the rats and don’t touch them. Sadly I’ve never managed it, nor found out what that weird mess of pixels lying on the floor between the rats is. Probably a former victim.
Maybe an even better solution is to not go in the room where all these rats are in the first place then. Next game please.
See the Commodore 64 version of Rats
See the Amstrad version of Rats
See the Atari 8-bit version of Rats
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro version of Rats