Lunar Lander (Dragon 32 Cassette 50 Game 4)

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Here’s my hot-take for you – if you’re not an amazing space ship pilot, don’t try and land on a dangerous planet, especially when flying something that takes “a little time to react to the engines” (i.e. a really fucking long time to react to the engines, so much so that you’re dead before you know it).

See the Amstrad version of Lunar Lander
See the Atari 8-bit version of Lunar Lander
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro Version of Lunar Lander
See the Commodore 64 version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX Spectrum version of Lunar Lander
See the Vic-20 version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX81 Version of Lunar Lander

Lunar Lander (Atari 8-bit Cassette 50 Game 4)

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Look, I get it, landing on the moon isn’t easy. But nor is it any fun thanks to our good friend Cassette 50.

See the Amstrad version of Lunar Lander
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro Version of Lunar Lander
See the Commodore 64 version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX Spectrum version of Lunar Lander
See the Dragon 32 version of Lunar Lander
See the Vic-20 version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX81 Version of Lunar Lander

Lunar Lander (Amstrad Cassette 50 Game 42)

cpc_42_lunarlander_wp

Let’s do what NASA didn’t and land an astronaut on the moon.

See the Commodore 64 Version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX Spectrum version of Lunar Lander
See the Atari 8-bit version of Lunar Lander
See the Dragon 32 version of Lunar Lander
See the Vic-20 version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX81 Version of Lunar Lander
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro Version of Lunar Lander

Lunar Lander (Vic-20 Cassette 50 Game 17)

vic_17_lunar_wp

Quick hint to anyone designing a place for space shuttles to land on the moon: don’t make the parking space move around the surface. Just fix it in one position. Cheers.

See the Amstrad version of Lunar Lander
See the Commodore 64 version of Lunar Lander
See the Dragon 32 version of Lunar Lander
See the Atari 8-bit version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX Spectrum version of Lunar Lander
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro version of Lunar Lander
See the Zx81 version of Lunar Lander

Lunar Lander (ZX Spectrum Cassette 50 Game 11)

zx_11_lunarlander_wp

If you ever want to land a spacecraft on the moon then call me. I’m your man for that. I won’t crash it. Oh no. I would never do that.

Er…on an unrelated note, anyone got the number for the space version of the RAC? Cheers.

See the Amstrad version of Lunar Lander
See the Commodore 64 version of Lunar Lander
See the Atari 8-bit version of Lunar Lander
See the Dragon 32 version of Lunar Lander
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX81 version of Lunar Lander
See the Vic-20 version of Lunar Lander

Lunar Lander (Commodore 64 Cassette 50 Game 5)

c64_5_lunarlander

The moon landings. Are they real or not? Well, to be honest if it’s this difficult then there’s no way they could have been achieved:

See the Amstrad version of Lunar Lander
See the Atari 8-bit version of Lunar Lander
See the Dragon 32 version of Lunar Lander
See the Acorn Electron & BBC Micro Version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX81 Version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX Spectrum version of Lunar Lander
See the Vic-20 version of Lunar Lander

Lunar Lander (ZX81 Cassette 50 Game 4)

4 Lunar Lander ZX81

Those astronauts have been lying to us for years, with all those many months of training and exams and making sure they can face the rigours of travelling to space. I know just how easy it is to pilot a lunar lander now. All you have to do is press the correct key when it flashes on the screen.

Dead easy.

Although, maybe not that easy. I crashed it. Sorry NASA. I do have fully comprehensive insurance if that helps? 3rd party fire and theft?

This is going to fuck my premiums right up.

See the Amstrad version of Lunar Lander
See the Atari 8-bit version of Lunar Lander
See the Dragon 32 version of Lunar Lander
See the Acorn Electron &BBC Micro Version of Lunar Lander
See the Commodore 64 version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX Spectrum version of Lunar Lander
See the Vic-20 version of Lunar Lander

Lunar Lander (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 4)

“Try to land on the flat surfaces” says the computer. Well I would if any of the keys actually worked. “Your craft takes a little time to react to the engines” says the computer. A little time? A LITTLE TIME? It doesn’t react at all! “Crash Crash …

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Note: The BBC Micro version is identical to the Acorn Electron version

“Try to land on the flat surfaces” says the computer. 

Well I would if any of the keys actually worked. 

“Your craft takes a little time to react to the engines” says the computer.

A little time? A LITTLE TIME? It doesn’t react at all!

“Crash Crash Crash” says the computer.

“Off Off Off” says me.

The video below shows how EVERY single one of my games of Lunar Lander ended up:

See the Amstrad version of Lunar Lander
See the Commodore 64 Version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX Spectrum version of Lunar Lander
See the Dragon 32 version of Lunar Lander
See the Atari 8-bit version of Lunar Lander
See the Vic-20 version of Lunar Lander
See the ZX81 Version of Lunar Lander