Tanker (Atari 8-bit Cassette 50 Game 45)

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Wind is not your friend. Wind is your enemy. Especially when you’re trying to navigate a Tanker down a canal, and said Tanker seems to be made of paper. What cargo are you supposed to be transporting? Your boat hardly seems practical.

See the Commodore 64 version of Tanker(Known as Tanker Rescue)
See the Acorn Electron version of Tanker
See the ZX81 version of Tanker

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Tanker Rescue (Commodore 64 Cassette 50 Game 45)

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Come witness the worlds least effective rescue system, where a helicopter can only pick up one giant person at a time from an oil rig and then have to dispatch them onto a boat whilst avoiding noxious clouds of gas, probably fired out of a massive bum somewhere off screen.

See the Atari 8-bit version of Tanker
See the Acorn Electron version of Tanker
See the Zx81 version of Tanker

Tanker (ZX81 Cassette 50 Game 45)

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This is just the old board game ‘Battleship’ but with a different name. I can’t even be bothered to review it any further than that. Cassette 50, you’re a right Tanker.

See the Commodore 64 version of Tanker(Known as Tanker Rescue)
See the Atari 8-bit version of Tanker
See the Acorn Electron version of Tanker

Tanker (Acorn Electron Cassette 50 Game 45)

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Well, what do you know? I take a break for five minutes so I can have a nice wee and mess around on Twitter, and when I come back some Aliens are stealing my precious fuel. The bastards! Why can’t a man have a slash in peace?

Not only that, they’ve brought a big tanker with them. They don’t want some of my fuel. They want all of it. Good job I’ve got a gun I can shoot them with.

Problem is, I have to shoot them loads of times and they only have to shoot me once. I think I’ll just let them have the fuel. It was a rubbish job guarding that anyway. Why else would the toilet be UP IN SPACE well away from the fuel if it wasn’t a rubbish job? Time for me to update that CV.

See the Commodore 64 version of Tanker(Known as Tanker Rescue)
See the Atari 8-bit version of Tanker
See the ZX81 version of Tanker